man

Some believe that men are visual creatures. Some say it’s a fact, and it means that they may be capable of giving unconditional love to their wife, their desire is conditional. Meaning the external also plays a role. One of the moms on The Real Housewives of New Jersey says: “Even if you are a busy mom, you don’t want to look like a mom. You want to always look like their girlfriend, otherwise, they’ll wish they had a new girlfriend.”

This is not a very positive statement, yes. On a wife’s point of view, it means she should be a little conscious of how she looks even if she already have 7 children, or else she’ll be giving her husband a reason to be unfaithful. That isn’t fair at all. On a man’s side, on the other hand, that statement above could be a heavy accusation. Not all men is that shallow. I’m sure some real men believes that they can give unconditional love as well as unconditional desire to their wife. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If there’s adjustment in perspective, then the idea of beauty also changes.

The external plays a role, of course, in the beginning when you have just met each other. But when you’re in the married state, a normal reasonable man matures with everything about marriage. His life changes as his priorities change. This may not be true with all marriages, but if we talk about ways of viewing love and desire, it’s not on the gender. It’s on the individual. The personality of the individual, his quality as a person.

It’s true that men are visual creatures, but aren’t we all?

marriage picture from everystockphoto.com

Marriage is the union of two people. Spending the rest of your life with the one you love would be one of the happiest moments that can happen in your lifetime. In every story there is always a happy ending. But in marriage not all couples live happily ever after. It is not like any usual fairy tale. In the ceremony of marriage there is a statement that the couple will say “To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise My love to you forevermore…” But other marriage couples cannot live through the poorer state although their love may live forever.

Successful couples view their marriage as a permanent union. And when problems arise they’d rather solve the each problem than use it as an excuse to end or abandon the marriage. Statistics show that financial problems in marriage often contribute to destruction of family. Well, I know quite a few number of couples who due to financial difficulty often have this “war”. If you are among the millions of couples who’s marriage is affected by economy, the following tips might help:

1. Set the right priorities
We must admit, in these days we always aim to earn as much as we can. Some couples aimed too much. As a result, they can’t have much time for their spouse and kids. If you are one of these guys, you better set the right priorities. Know which should come first. Truly, we have to work but there should be proper time management and “do first things first”.

2. Value “Commitment”
How do you view your marriage? Is it like a financial investment or financial relief or an escape, perhaps? If this is how you viewed your marriage, sorry to say, but it might not last long. If not, it might be burdensome for both parties. Let us view marriage as a permanent union. It is not a way to escape whatever problem or financial burden you have. Valuing marriage as an important and permanent union will strengthen your relationship. For sure, it won’t be shaken by any economic problem that you will face.

3. Value “Teamwork”
Have you watched a team sport like basketball? The victory of the team is contributed not just by one person but by all of the members in the team. Both husband and wife should work together, not just in earning for the family but also in handling the kids. Better think twice if you are used to “one-man band” kind of thing.

4. Have respect for each other
If you respect your spouse, you will always consult him/her any decision that you are going to take. For example, you won’t have a mortage without letting your spouse know about it.

5. Be reasonable.
Basically, it means that you are willing to give ‘allowances for each other’s mistakes’. Don’t just focus on your spouse’s weakness. But instead, pay attention to his good virtues.

6. Learn how to forgive
Nobody is perfect. Every now and then a spouse will make a mistake. Therefore, learn how to forgive.

When couples are struggling to make ends meet, there is much tension and anxiety in the marriage. One of the biggest reasons for divorce is money. Marriages very rarely survive when there are serious money struggles, unless the couple learn to overcome those struggles.

Spouses who once smoothed over spats with a little shopping therapy can no longer afford to fill that prescription. “It’s the biggest stress on married couples in the past 60 years,” says  Margaret Shapiro, a clinical social worker in Philadelphia.